By Craig Cormick
Based on highly reliably international contacts, leaked documents and horoscopes from several TV magazines, Nostradamus' Media Watch presents a highly accurate forecast of political events across the globe.
Japanese government apologises
The Japanese government continues apologising for past misdeeds to the international community.
Having already apologised to many countries for war atrocities and to Korea for "colonial misdeeds", Japanese Prime Minister Morihiro Hosokawa issues a long list of official apologies for the following:
- ghastly cheap cartoons with round-eyed villains;
- all the sequels to the Godzilla films;
- pseudo-Samurai business management courses;
- buying Van Gogh's Sunflowers;
- the Multi-Function Polis.
Criticism outlawed
In an attempt to stem increasing demonstrations against Indonesia in Australia, the federal government introduces a bill outlawing criticism of Indonesia.
The move comes as protests increase against Indonesian oppression in East Timor, Ache and even downtown Jakarta.
A senior Australian Foreign Affairs official is overheard by journalists commenting that he wishes the "rabble rousers" were more intent on getting stuck into Burma or some other oppressive regime that they weren't trying to suck up to at the moment.
The Australian-Indonesian Institute begins its own pro-Indonesia line by offering visas to human rights activists to visit Indonesia and observe the situation for themselves.
A small group of activist agrees to the offer and fly to Jakarta, where they are beaten up outside the airport.The Indonesian government reluctantly releases an apology, stating, "It was an unfortunate case of mistaken identity — the troops thought they were Timorese".
Corruption scandal in Italy
After the current Italian government falls following the latest Olivetti scandal, the new government is immediately surrounded by a new corruption scandal.
The new prime minister, a returnee millionaire from Australia who made his fortune in bouquet olives, heads a coalition of 18 minor parties. Upon being sworn into office he is investigated by the Italian police and Interpol, which find that he has absolutely no graft or corruption connections.
Major industry groups and the rest of the Italian parliament refuse to deal with him, claiming he is cheapening the image of Italian politics, and demand that he be forcibly deported back to Australia.
The crisis is averted when it is revealed in a series of photos in a sleazy Italian newsweekly that he has been seen hanging around with very dubious company. The blurry photos show he once attended a reception at the Indonesian embassy in Italy, even though he thought he was at the Japanese embassy at the time.